“That’s disgusting!”, Dad said, firmly, and in a lowered voice.

Pizza Hut, c. 1986.

I knew that meant this was something juicy.

“WHAT’S DISGUSTING?”, I exclaimed, *loudly*, while simultaneously whipping my head around to scan the room and get a good gawk.

“Shhhhhhhhh!”, both parents encouraged.

“I can’t believe she’s doing that in public”, Mom offered in a whispered hush.

A-ha! A clue.

They whispered amongst themselves.

I watched their eyes. I followed the direction of their pupils, like an invisible laser beam that crossed the room towards the intended target.

Their beams landed on to a woman sitting in a nearby booth, holding her fussy baby.

Well that’s kinda boring.

She wasn’t changing her baby on the table, that would be so disgusting!

And it wasn’t that she had a baby because my own baby brother was there at our table.

I concluded that something exciting must have happened with the diaper before I had a good chance to look.

Beyond the diaper, with all of the world’s wisdom collected by a 6-year-old, I wondered: what could be disgusting about a mother and her baby sitting in a booth at a Pizza Hut in the 80s?

So I asked.

“What’s disgusting? What happened?!”, impatiently.

“Shhhhhhh!”, again was the response.

My urged silence received twice now meant that I would not get answers.

I’d have to settle for tucking the image of that mom and that baby in to my brain until I got a little bit older.

Over the years, I learned: some people find breastfeeding disgusting.

Some people believe that boobs are for the bedroom and not for babies.

Even though babies are what boobs are biologically and physiologically made for; We Don’t Want To See That!

Humans seem to have a lot of things figured out that biology hasn’t caught up with yet. Silly Science.

When my mother in law first approached me on the topic, there was no doubt in my mind that I would bottle feed my babies. That’s what my mother did.

Oh, hey, and also: doesn’t everybody think that breastfeeding is disgusting?

She challenged me with a different perspective that was unknown to me.

I thankfully have been blessed with a curious brain, so I dove in, performing my own research on the topic, concluding:

Where breast feeding is an option, breast milk is best for babies’ growth and neurological development.

With a lot of patience, shared wisdom and resources, and guidance from my mother in law, I learned everything there was to know about breastfeeding to be prepared in advance.

And then of course I learned everything all over again upon each of my babies’ births because you truly don’t know what you don’t know until you know. You can only prepare for so much that experience **always** eclipses.

Each time my fussy baby was hungry and I was in public or even in the company of others at home, I remembered that mom and her baby at that Pizza Hut.

And I felt the shame of my parents laser beam focus.

So, even on the hottest of days in the stickiest, doggiest days of summer, I’d cover my babies heads and my body to feed them, careful not to expose either to any potential disgusted onlookers.

I always knew: if my parents, whom I know loved me, and who did The Best They Could With What They Had, and were Good And Decent People could feel this way, so would others.

Despite having breast fed my own babies, this story cannot go without my own admission:

My visceral response, that comes from inside my body without thought, is to cast judgement on women I see feeding their babies in public.

With my all of my brain and all of my heart: there is zero part of me that really believes in that!!

I am a 100% flag-waving, card-carrying, PROUD, pro-breast feeding (when it is possible) member but **I still feel the judgement**.

That is my judgement and that belongs to me to deal with. Not a breastfeeding mother. Not anyone.

That is transgenerational judgement and shame.

I don’t blame my parents. They probably learned it from their parents, and their parents’ parents before them. It’s kind of What We Do, as humans.

Until we face it, unpack it, and use our critical thinking skills with intentionality towards correcting it, it does not stop.

…And I’m just saying that my kids both graduated with high honors and I totally didn’t, soooo … #PowerOfBreastfeeding

I got jokes. I know it’s because they have a whole other half to their gene pool. ❤️